>AI is basically any computer - a machine that can calculate shit so fast and precise that it produces extremely complex and convenient results that to us parallel cognizant thought
Not quite, what you're referring to is an algorithm, a series of pre-written instructions that can be followed to calculate a result with the given input data (this is actually how old school 'AI' worked before neural networks, like Chess bots and chat bots). AI in the modern sense is about probability and statistics, neural networks are self-modifying programs that refine their output based on the dataset they've been trained on. Often this involves the AI competing against a judge AI to generate results it approves of. Each time the judge rejects the output, the generator AI reduces the probability space in which it creates data, over time becoming more and more successful as it learns what is required to get a passing grade.
>Isn't every commercial AI went full 1488 within like 24 hours?
In the case of Microsoft's Tay, because it received lots of tweets with that kind of language, it started repeating phrases that it had learned from those messages. Tay (and AI in general) in this sense didn't have any understanding of what it was saying, rather it is an example of the Chinese room phenomenon.